All I Want for Christmas…

While I have my share of material wants (a MacPro would be nice!), I would rather see my loved ones happy and cared for. World peace would be nice too, but as far as my benevolent wishes in regard to this sphere go, the following is my wishlist

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  • The people of China revolt against the regime and bring China into the 21st century by overthrowing Communism. Instead of spying on us, China partners with the United States to control North Korea and an increasingly belligerent Russia.
  •  Tom Tancredo becomes President of the United States of America in ’08 and puts an effective end to illegal immigration. Mexico is forced to make reparations for its refusal to prevent its citizens from violating our borders.
  • Iraq continues to improve to the point our men and women in uniform can begin returning home by next fall.
  • Iran suffers a setback when its nuclear facilities are destroyed by a joint US-UK-Israeli airstrike. The Iranians reap what they have sown when the radioactive debris rains down on their country and they are forced to eat and drink it.
  • Fidel Castro finally dies and meets his reward in Hell.
  • Hugo Chavez meets Castro in Hell.
  • The American people pass a referendum banning Michael Moore, George Soros, Cindy Sheehan, Sally Field, and the guy from Daily Kos from living on American soil.
  • Bitch Phd finally gets her dosage right and becomes a socially adept individual who can control her Tourette’s.
  • Chuck Currie discovers blogging, posing as a minister, and activism weren’t for him and discovers the joys of orchid growing.
  • IT Conservative gets a Linux box for Christmas
  • Gitmo detainees get a day off from waterboarding.
  • bin Ladin is captured, but while in prison dies of a massive heart attack while on the toilet. The photos are sold to the National Enquirer.
  • Dog the Bounty Hunter becomes the new Secretary of Defense.
  • Al Sharpton realizes he is old and no one cares what he has to say. He retires to Louisiana and writes a cookbook. 
  • England annexes the Middle East and converts the region to tea-drinking, biscuit-eating Reformed Baptists who settle disputes through a lively game of croquet. Ramadan is banned and Guy Fawkes Day becomes the national holiday.